10.23.2010

Something's wrong with me..


Today I made a tumblr account xD I don't know why lol I still have many things I need to add on this site o_o 
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It's been almost two weeks I've been ignoring a friend of mine who confessed to me.. I haven't been answering his calls and not calling back, or sometimes I off my phone on purpse so that it doesn't ring.. I'm horrible I know.. D; And the Japanese missionary video lecture thingy too I am ignoring going to (it's twice a week and they teach about our purpose in life, I seriously think it's a waste of time..). I never wanted to be a part of it.. -__- But the people are so nice ahhhhh.. ;w; 

I feel so closed off these past few days and weeks. I don't hang out with my friends during breaks, (I now keep my phone off while I'm on campus) and I don't go to the Japan club meetings either. I stay in the library often just studying or browsing the web.. I don't even talk to me online friends from dA or Gaia.. sigh..... 

I feel like I want a friend by me, but someone who won't make me feel like pushing them away after a couple conversations. 
Someone to talk to, who I am uniquely special to and understands me more than I do. 
Someone who will forgive me when I am absent from their life for a while, yet they still talk to me hoping I at least read their messages, and when I do start talking back, they welcome me again with open arms.
It's too much of an expectation, too much to ask for, I know. 
How I wish I could have an imaginary friend at a time like this..

What is wrong with me?? =/

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